And then I wonder why I put so much weight on over the holidays.
I'm starting to think that as soon as your first grandchild is born, some sort of switch must flip in your brain turning on GRANDMA MODE. Feeding becomes an obsession for them.
You can tell them you dropped out of Uni: not a problem, maybe studying wasn't really your thing.
You robbed a bank: no worries, I'm sure you needed the money.
However, if your answer to the question 'Have you eaten yet?' is 'No'... well, prepare yourself for a barrage of food. A banquet fit for twenty odd people. And if your Grandma is anything like mine, all that food will be produced after her complaining about not having anything to eat.
'Oh honey, you should've called before coming round. I would've made you something nice. I barely have anything for lunch today.' *bam!* She produces a roasted chicken from the oven, including side dishes.
Although sometimes, I think she just enjoys complaining. She does it regardless of if you ring her or not. If you don't go round to see her, she'll ring me (or my mother) and bitch because all her food went to waste. And if you go round without calling... well, refer to the sample conversation above. No way to win really.
And if you don't answer her call, all you have to do is wait 20 minutes for one of my aunts to ring and complain about the phone call she just received. One of the perks of having a huge family: we're all interchangeable at times - mainly, when my Grandma needs someone to complain to.
To be fair, my Grandma is used to cooking for about 300 people, or what's the same, her 10 kids (which have the combined appetite of the aforementioned 300). So, she always has leftovers as well as a well developed empty-nest syndrome which results in her over-feeding her numerous grandchildren.
And this would all be fine with me (I mean, who doesn't love to be pampered with food?), if once she were done with the feeding she wouldn't stop to give me a critical once-over and go:
'Hmm... you're getting a bit chubby, don't you think? Maybe you should cut back a bit.'
Unluckily for me, my family has a stupidly fast metabolism which means they can inhale food at alarmingly fast rates and still be a size 6/8. Hence the fact that all my Gran's pots and pans are massive. I'm not sure the woman knows how to cook for two... But anyway, this 'chubby' comment (sometimes followed by, 'Maybe walking a little more would help.') usually results in my aunts sniggering behind their hands (very adult hmpf), my mom face-palming and me generally confused.
'Erm... Gran, I don't usually eat this much, you should know this...'
'Well, just say so! I won't serve you as much next time.'
'But... I tried, the look you gave me was scary.'
'Oh, don't be silly! Now here, stop sulking and have some fruit for dessert. The neighbours just brought me some apples, I'll drizzle the pieces with honey.'
... And of course, I can't say no.
Although some people do take that concept quite
far...
And by people, I mean older women dressed like teenagers that
from behind look like they could be any age between 25 and 55. Don't get me wrong, I think it's
great that you still feel young at heart, but honestly, that
strapless top isn't doing you any favours. And to men who still think
they can pull off baggy jeans, I think most of us would prefer not
seeing your bum crack. It's not a pleasant visual experience.
If there is something that really makes me cringe, is those mother-daughter duos which we need to examine very closely in order to determine which is which. They go shopping together, pick out the same clothes, and then try them on. This then turns into a fascinating display of shamelessness as they both begin to try on slinky dresses and totter out on mile high heels, making it easier to establish who the mother is. Namely, the one that can pull off neither of these items.
In general, I think people should learn
how to age gracefully. It's not all about how you look. I'd rather be able to hang out with my parents, and talk to them one-on-one about the important stuff than have them bond with me over a "shared" fashion sense. It makes me feel that these people are trying too hard to hang onto their youth, and are missing out on other things that become more important as you become older. It's the same concept of a child wanting to be older and not enjoying their childhood while it lasts.
It's funny that as kids, when asked our age we would always answer with "I'm going to turn..." showing how desperate we were to get older. Whenever my sister says that, I have to fight the urge to shake her while saying: "Enjoy 10 while you can! You'll never get it back."
There's a beautiful poem called 'On Turning Ten' about this exact thing. I wish I could go back and make my younger self read this, then maybe I would spend more time enjoying being a child than wishing I was already an adult so my parents couldn't boss me around (which by the way, is not true. Even at 21 they still try to manage my life).
The way I see, life's in stages for a reason. We're not meant to spend our lives looking back or forward. There are so many things to miss if were not living in the present. It's hard to avoid falling into the trap of thinking how life could be better, or was better. I often find myself daydreaming about the future, only to be bitterly disappointed when things don't turn out the way I imagined. But there comes a point where we have to teach ourselves to stay rooted in the present.
I know growing older sucks, but as long as we keep young at heart things shouldn't be too bad.
