How to Make New Friends in Public Toilets

These might just be my favourite type of conversations. Drunken people piping up because some other girls are talking about something that interests them. And it’s totally OK. There’s something about the setting of a girls’ toilet that makes strangers become friends in the short time they spend washing their hands and touching up their make-up.

This New Year’s Eve I found myself casually chatting to some Kardashian wannabes. Girls who’d never spare me a second glance out front, were actually chatting to me and Random Girl #1 about possible clubbing locations. The most amusing bit was, this girl in her platform heals and overly revealing dress (I honestly thought it was on backwards due to the amount of cleavage) were looking for somewhere they could, and I quote, ‘blend in’. Random Girl #1 turned to look at me, and I swear in that drunken moment we both were tempted to blurt out ‘Strip Club’. Luckily Random Girl #2 stepped out of a cubicle at that point and swooped in to save the conversation, directing the Kim and Khloe (I cast her as Khloe due to the unflattering pink dress she was bursting out of) lookalikes to a nearby club.

By then, our first toilet break was over and we proceeded outside where we were, predictably, ignored by the Kardashian Krew.

During our second journey to the toilet, we noticed our toilet breaks had synced up to Random Girl #2’s. Only this time, with no Kardashians around (they’d already flounced off to some other more trendy club with ‘like, proper music’) we ended up fangirling over Disney’s Frozen. My friend and I were discussing when to watch it, and  RG#2 got involved by singing its praises. A conversation which evolved into a discussion about Disney films becoming more adult-friendly recently.

Trip number three had us bumping into RG#2 once more. This time I engaged in a conversation about the DJ, his music choices and hair dyes (apparently her boyfriend had dyed his beard bright red) while I waited for my friend to come out.

Other favourite public toilet moments include:

·         The time I had an argument with a girl for not liking the same film as her (I forget what film it was, shows how much I enjoyed it) and a girl backed me up from inside a cubicle.

·         The time a drag-queen came into the girls’ toilet, and proceeded to teach my friend how to do her make-up.

·         And last, but not least, the time where these three guys dressed as cheerleaders burst into the toilet and started doing an improvised cheer. They tried every cheesy pick up line ever written, and one of them actually got a girl’s number (to be fair, he was rocking that skirt).

For whatever reason, there seems to be a magical atmosphere in public toilets, especially when alcohol becomes involved. 

Things I do NOT Miss About Uni... Part 2: Applications

When I decided to apply for a Masters course, I had totally forgotten about the stress that is applications.
Last time I had to worry about filling one of these in was about 4 years ago... Now I'm having a sense of déjà vu every time I yell at the screen willing my statement to write itself.
Its the same concept as cover letters, you shamelessly lie about your level of awesomeness in order for the Uni to accept you.
Fortunately, I managed to get into my course *cue for applause* so I thought to myself:

'Phew, so glad that's the last statement I'll ever have to write.'

WRONG!

Now my sister is applying for university herself... and she has shamelessly coerced me into 'helping' her write hers.
And by 'helping', I mean she writes me a list of ideas and we Skype. And then I end up rephrasing everything because 'it sounded so much better when you said it' and my sister seems to have forgotten how to structure an actual sentence.
Lies, I'm sure... but she's willing to suck up if it means I'll do most of the work! 
Sisters can be sneakily clever that way... although I'm pretty easy when it comes to being coerced. Put anything chocolate related that's edible in my way and I'll happily be your slave for day* (or a couple of hours... depends on what treat I get).
And boy does she know this... I find myself editing most of her work and helping her with assignments.
Luckily she keeps me well supplied with new music and book recommendations, so a possible win-win situation?
Well... we'll see if she gets accepted with my awesome personal statement advice. 
If not... It was nice knowing you all :)

*conditions apply

IT Guys... Self-proclaimed Gods of the Workplace

Something my mom might do...

... Or maybe just my workplace. 
Either way, I sometimes feel they lord the fact they're computer literate over you. Which isn't very nice, or encouraging. 
I'm pretty damn proud I haven't blown my computer up (as of yet) and haven't screwed it up irreparably (again... fingers crossed). 
Small victories where I'm concerned. As long as I'm slightly less useless at handling technology than my mom, I'll be happy. 
I'm more of a hand-written-papers girl if I'm honest. Something that drives our IT guy crazy. His face is priceless when I hand him my translations on paper... 

'What format is this?'
'Erm... paper?'
'How do I convert it?'
...

I've explained to him that I find it easier to do translations by hand, but he's still baffled by my choice of pen and paper. 
I keep receiving tonnes of emails a day with a lot of (mostly) useless links, to apps I'll never use or pages I'll never visit. 
And no explanations, just a bunch of links I promptly ignore... (whoops).
But one thing I really hate when dealing with IT guys (ok, I know I'm generalising... but this is the kind of people I've dealt with), is when they talk down to you like a small child just because you can't grasp some IT concept. 
I mean, I don't start patronising him for not being able to quote Keats or Shakespeare (not that I can either... but not the point). 
I think I'm a pretty fast learner, and if you took the time to explain I'd probably get by. But no, it's as if I'm not worthy of the time and get brushed off as that 'kid in the English department who doesn't know her .pdf from her .doc'.
What he doesn't count on is my stubbornness, which means I'd rather troll Google to find a solution to my problem than head up to IT to get the annoying child treatment. This has resulted in me becoming slightly more tech savvy in the past few months. 
Because when I do have to brave the IT department, its like walking repeatedly into a brick wall. It seems to take forever to transmit what you need to them because you attempt it in 'normal' speak and they counter in 'ITish' and then you have to convince them it's a legitimate change which can last about a day of back and forth between your desk and IT department.
... All this, so that by then end of the week nothing has changed, and you have to repeat the process again come Monday.
Who said being an adult was fun?

Growing Old is Inevitable, But Growing Up is Optional

Although some people do take that concept quite far... 

And by people, I mean older women dressed like teenagers that from behind look like they could be any age between 25 and 55. Don't get me wrong, I think it's great that you still feel young at heart, but honestly, that strapless top isn't doing you any favours. And to men who still think they can pull off baggy jeans, I think most of us would prefer not seeing your bum crack. It's not a pleasant visual experience.
If there is something that really makes me cringe, is those mother-daughter duos which we need to examine very closely in order to determine which is which. They go shopping together, pick out the same clothes, and then try them on. This then turns into a fascinating display of shamelessness as they both begin to try on slinky dresses and totter out on mile high heels, making it easier to establish who the mother is. Namely, the one that can pull off neither of these items.
In general, I think people should learn how to age gracefully. It's not all about how you look. I'd rather be able to hang out with my parents, and talk to them one-on-one about the important stuff than have them bond with me over a "shared" fashion sense. It makes me feel that these people are trying too hard to hang onto their youth, and are missing out on other things that become more important as you become older. It's the same concept of a child wanting to be older and not enjoying their childhood while it lasts. 
It's funny that as kids, when asked our age we would always answer with "I'm going to turn..." showing how desperate we were to get older. Whenever my sister says that, I have to fight the urge to shake her while saying: "Enjoy 10 while you can! You'll never get it back."
There's a beautiful poem called 'On Turning Ten' about this exact thing. I wish I could go back and make my younger self read this, then maybe I would spend more time enjoying being a child than wishing I was already an adult so my parents couldn't boss me around (which by the way, is not true. Even at 21 they still try to manage my life).
The way I see, life's in stages for a reason. We're not meant to spend our lives looking back or forward. There are so many things to miss if were not living in the present. It's hard to avoid falling into the trap of thinking how life could be better, or was better. I often find myself daydreaming about the future, only to be bitterly disappointed when things don't turn out the way I imagined. But there comes a point where we have to teach ourselves to stay rooted in the present.
I know growing older sucks, but as long as we keep young at heart things shouldn't be too bad.